Pamela Harrison Ministries

What is Oppression and how do I over-come it?

What is oppression?

A feeling of being heavily weighed down in mind or body.(Dictionary.com)

Here is the short list of  "symptoms" of oppression:

* Negative thoughts about self, others and life.

Example:

"Things never work out for me."

"This is how life is for me- good things only happen to other people."

Every time I take a step forward, I get knocked back 2".

* Feeling of being over-whelmed

* Loss of energy

* Unable to focus

Oppression resembles depression; however, oppression is more spiritual, whereas depression is more clinical.

However, oppression unchecked, can become depression.

So, how does one over-come oppression?

First, let's find out how and why oppression begins:

Oppression comes from:  the enemy of our souls, the enemy of our destines

Oppression Starts:  in our minds

Remember, our soul is our: Mind, Emotions and Will.  Whatever affects our minds, affects our emotions and emotions affect our will-  thus our thoughts affect our behavior.

Your thoughts today will affect your tomorrow.

   

There is a reason why we are to learn to control our thoughts, guard what we allow ourselves to think on, as well as, what we allow ourselves to listen to, watch and spend time with.

Our thoughts and what we believe will either put us in a place of success and joy or in a cycle of defeat, feeling and being miserable and sabotaging ourselves.

Jer. 29:11- (Para) For I know that plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you, never to harm you!

Oppression begins one of 2 ways:

Either with feeling sad and your mind begins to ask, "Why am I feeling sad?"

Or with thoughts and then the emotions kick in.

If you've not been taught, or if you have, and never trained yourself to quickly recognize the tactic of the enemy, you will fall prey every time; and thus the cycle begins of kicking along doing and feeling good and then boom, out of no where and for no apparent reason, you're hit with either negative emotions &/or thoughts, which if not combated with prayer and the word of God, will take over, and you'll find yourself in a pity party, laying on your couch, or going back to bed, not doing what you know needs to be done.

Then when the "spell" breaks, and you're back in your right mind, in your moment of clarity, one often realizes how foolish I was for thinking such ridiculous thoughts, and for allowing my time, my life to be stolen form me.

This is the tactic of the enemy.  He is a thief and a liar- there is NO truth in him!! ( John 10:10)

Going around the same mountain:

Know this: As long as this tactic works, he (the enemy) will continue to use it.  And know this, before he completely gives up, he pushes even harder to make sure you mean business.

I'm going to stop here for now, but leave you with a scripture...

 Philippians 4:8 (The Message)

 ^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies (orderly and most pleasing arrangement).

I will be teaching this in full, this Saturday, November 7th, 9:30 am at the Loaves and Fishes Ministries bldg. Located on 19th & Garnett in Tulsa, OK.

*CD's of this teaching will be made available* 

For a copy of the CD or for directions, you may email us: contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org

 

Namaste from India!

 

 I will be forever thankful to each person that enabled me to be here, either by prayer &/or financial support.

Thus far we have ministered to orphans at an orphanage, night before last were taken to a far off village where many received salvation, and many healings took place.

Last night was the Pastor's /Leadership conference.  The anointing fell, and many were ministered to prophetically.

The love God has for His people has come over me in waves to such a degree that I have been over-whelmed- even reduced to a speechless composed mess of His love...

 After we were done ministering the night at the village, the people rushed the stage- so eager to ask questions, requested prayer, just plain hungry for all that God has for them.

 It is part of our purpose to teach them, that they too can, on their own, when the ministers are gone, hear God for themselves, that they too can feel God on their own, and be healed by simply believing - spending time in His presence.

What an honor to be used to teach them that just as Jesus became real to me and healed me- He has no favorites and will do the VERY same for them!

Thank you, to each of you, that obeyed- even sacrificed your finances to ensure ministry to these people. The harvest is ripe, the people need to hear that they are loved and they have a purpose.

As God blesses each of us with finances, it is for the benefit of His Kingdom... I've known that, but now- today, I have a greater understanding. I get it now, more than I ever have...God's wants us blessed, not only for us to enjoy this life- but for a greater purpose, to be able to go into all the world to literally reach out to those that may otherwise never know that they too have a purpose..

What an honor to be used to teach them that just as Jesus became real to me and healed me- He has no favorites and will do the VERY same for them!

As I spoke that night before last at the village, I could feel the people thinking, could this be true? I have a purpose... there is a God that loves me for me??

 

Among those in the village that came running up, 2 very precious young women came running up- so hungry ..I was instructed to tell them: Spend time with your savior- your father, get to know Him- truly, and go and tell others, as many as you can so that they will not go to hell, but they too have a purpose, they too are to get to know their God and go tell others... be pillars in their village and ministers to as many as you can...

 

What an honor to speak on behalf of the living- loving God.

 

 Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your friendship, partnership and support- none of us can do what we're called to do on our own... we all need each other... none of us has it all or knows it all- we need each other. God is good- God is Love.

 

The conference begins tomorrow morning and will last 3 days.  It is expected to have an attendance of up to 1500... Please keep us in your prayers.

 

I look forward to posting pictures and video when I return!

 

Much love to you,

 

Pamela

How do I get the promises of God to work for me? LOVE

Doing all that you know to do and still find that you're struggling?  This begs the question, "WHY?"

I will answer the question with a question: Did you know that if you do not truly and fully believe that God loves you, you will not be able to trust Him fully?

Galatians 5:6 (Amplified Bible)

⁶For [if we are] in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith activated and energized and expressed and working through love.

According to Galatians 5:6 Faith works through love.  But what does that really mean?

It means that for us to be able to have the faith that "moves mountains", the kind of faith that carries us through every trial,  we must believe and be fully convinced that God loves us.

I've come to learn that this comes in levels.  To the degree you believe that God truly loves you, you will see the same degree of His power working in your life.

1 John 4:18 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁸There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection].

Many believe that they believe God loves them; however, when it comes down to trusting Him in certain areas of our lives, many are not always sure that God will come through for them.

This is what it means to be perfected in Love: To be fully convinced that you are truly loved by God.

But how does one go about being convinced that you're truly loved by God? 

1. Knowing His word- learn who He is by reading His word.

( I recommend you get to know Him first by reading the New Testament- what our relationship with Him is today, thanks to His Son, our Savior, Jesus.  Then, after your identity is established in the Love and image of God, (who is Love), go to the beginning of the word and get the "full picture".)

2. Spending time in His lap, allowing Him to touch you, caress you and speak to you.

Your part?

Sit still, be open and honest and LISTEN, mixed with BELIEVING what you're hearing.

You see, God is LOVE (1 John 4:16).  He is absolutely not mad at you or disappointed in you.  You've not broken any promise that He didn't know before hand that you couldn't keep.  You've not gone too far that He can't forgive you.

No, on the contrary, He has never left you.  He is with you, everywhere you go and everything you do.  It's human to not feel His love, especially when we know we've been wrong. BUT that is why He, out of Love, because He is LOVE,  sent His one and only Son to die for all our past, present and future sins.

There is ABSOLUTELY nothing we can do to earn His love- NOTHING!!!

Matter of fact, even if you were to achieve being "perfect", the sin of self-righteousness is often the sin that come with being "perfect". 

It's time for you to convince yourself you ARE LOVED by God. 

When you are fully convinced you are loved by God, you will have faith that will over-ride fear and cause you to stand firm, to be perfected in God's love, being fully established in His love- knowing this: you may not know how, and you may not know when, but you know your God and you know He will DO IT- He will make a way where there seems to be no way.

2nd part to knowing you're loved by God- there will be proof:

When you know you're loved by God, you will walk in love with others. 

When you're walking in Love with others, the enemy of your destiny will not be able to touch you.  Occasional road blocks and hindrances, yes, HOWEVER, because you're now fully convinced of God's love for you, perfected in His love, you will not fear! 

Rather, you will be full of faith knowing that God's will (Jer. 29:11) for you is to always prosper, to always bring you out on top, and it for a purpose- to give you a testimony (Romans 8:28); so that you in turn will be usable for His Glory- the end result is always to BRING HIM GLORY!!

God is love- everything works by love... you are loved.

 

IMPORTANT: You can not give out what you're not full of.  When you feel yourself being critical of others, that is your indicator that you've not spent enough time in the presence of God- in the presence of LOVE.

Remember, our part, our purpose in this life, is to seek first His kingdom and all these things will be added to us.

We are the ones that must make the choice to spend time in the presence of Love. 

When you're truly ready to walk in all God has for you, to walk in the fullness of authority that He has given you as a believer,to walk in the prosperity: spirit, soul, body and financially, you will spend the time- daily, in His presence, in the presence of Love, so that you will be perfected in His love, activating your faith, and enabled to give out what you're full of to every person you encounter- this will bring the POWER of God into your life - in every area of your life.

Know this, you will be tested for a season.  Know this also, it's just for a season, and will be usable for the benefit of others.  God will use it for you to minister to others- this is when you will be walking in  God's promises, experiencing His power and walking in your destiny!

I will be teaching more on this topic this Saturday, October 3rd at 9:30 am

For location and direction, you may contact us @

contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org

 

Stop Child Trafficking- Support Michelle Gustafson in the Tulsa Walk event

 

I recently became aware of this very worthy cause, and as a result,  Pamela Harrison Ministries is now a supporter of this worthy cause. 

Please, take a moment to look at this important information:

In Tulsa, Quik Trip has agreed to match donations 100% up to 15,000.00!!

**Your $5.00 turns to $10.00**

The children need your help.

Over 2 million children are currently enslaved around the world, including every one of the 50 United States!

In an effort to play my part in ending this injustice, I have joined the Stop Child Trafficking Now (SCTNow) Campaign and will participate in a Stop Child Trafficking Now WALK on Sept. 26th.

This campaign is a nation-wide, one- of -a- kind effort to end child slavery in this generation by focusing on demand and strategically targeting predators.

On the weekend of September 26 - 27, 2009, thousands of individuals, corporations, religious organizations, communities and campuses will participate in simultaneous Stop Child Trafficking Now WALKS.

This global campaign is slated to attract thousands of people who will walk throughout the world, raising funds and broadening awareness to Stop Child Trafficking Now.

Would you consider helping me reach my goal by making a tax-deductible donation to Stop Child Trafficking Now?

Donating online is safe and easy! To make an online donation you can click on the "Support Me" button at the end of this email or visit the SCTNow website at www.SCTNow.org, "click on the button for SCTNow WALK" search for my name, then click, "Support Me." If you would rather donate by check please make the check payable to SCTNow, write my name in the memo section and mail to SCTNow: 414 West 51st Street, New York, New York 10019

Thank you for considering supporting me through Stop Child Trafficking Now. If you have any questions about SCTNow please contact me directly or visit www.SCTNow.org. Together, with your support we will be able to Stop Child Trafficking Now!

In Tulsa, Quik Trip has agreed to match donations %100 up to $15,000. If you can't walk, can you support me?

Thank you,

Support me! 

What Keeps Us In Dysfunction?

There are two reasons why we stay in dysfunction:

1. Unmet needs

2. Fear

When we have a need that we cannot trust God to fill, we get into fear that we won't have what we need.  We then go about getting what we need on our own.

When we look to man to be our source for anything, we are setting ourselves up for pain.

Let's take the example of a woman that did not receive the love of her earthly father.  She didn't receive the acceptance and love she deserved.  If she has not been taught and truly believes that God is her daddy, then out of that valid void, the sense of lack, she will go after that which will fill that valid void that is so deep within (often a man).

Definition for Lack: deficiency or absence of something needed, desirable, or customary.

The feeling of lack lets us know that we are in need of something more.  Our first inclination is to reach for the tangible, the immediate quick-fix.  Often unknowingly, we turn to something (food, prescription drugs, alcohol, etc.) rather than turning to God, and allowing Him to become real to us, allowing ourselves to receive His love. 

Any and every time we turn to anything other than God, it will create a cycle of dysfunction.

I will be ministering more on this topic this Saturday, Sept. 5th @ 9:30 am

Location: Meeting at the Loaves and Fishes Ministries Bldg. located at 19th and Garnett in Tulsa, OK.

All are welcome.  If you would like more information, you may contact us: contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org

 

Favoritism - James 2: 1-12 * A Key To Being a Leader of Excellence *

What is the difference between the favor of God and favoritism?  The answer is heart motive.

Favoritism: the state of being a favorite.

Food for thought, as well as a challenge for both parents and leaders of all levels.

As both a parent and leader, this has been brought to my attention.  I know first-hand the human inclination to favor those we connect with and those we trust. 

Question: Ever thought about how your decisions look to others?  The decisions about whom you give positions, opportunities, your time, money and resources to?

Favoritism Breeds Jealously

The perfect example of what happens to the person that is favored is Joseph in Genesis 37: 3 & 4-

³ Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. ⁴ When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

It takes a person that is spiritually mature, emotionally whole and in personal relationship with God to not become jealous of someone that is a favorite.

One of two things happen when a person in leadership shows favoritism to a group or individual:

1. People want to get to know the person that is a favorite; often in hopes of being accepted themselves.

2. People become jealous of the person, dislike, or even hate the person that is the favorite.

Often the favorite person becomes an object of ridicule and rejection. 

Any ramifications for the leader that shows favoritism?  It will diminish our influence, and the worst of it all, people are hurt and may even stumble.

Now, if you're a parent or leader, put yourself in a position of not being a leader, or in a child's position. Ask yourself, "How would I feel if I had a parent or leader doing special favors or giving special privileges/ perks to others and not me?"

This is called politics... thus the saying: "It's not what you know, but who you know".

God has no favorites. 

Galatians 2:6 (NKJV)

⁶ But from those who seemed to be something—whatever they were, it makes no difference to me; God shows personal favoritism to no man...

We are warned against favoritism in James 2: 1-12... favoritism is sin.

Favor of God is when God uses man to bless so that it contributes to the will of God in your's or someone's life.  The end result is the benefiting of God's Kingdom.

We as leaders are to be sensitive to God's direction, and bless with all that is in our power to bless with, as He directs.  Always checking our motives and asking ourselves, "Would I do this for someone that I didn't particularly feel a real connection with?  Am I truly doing this out of obedience to God?"

Bottom Line

We are not to be the one to determine if a leader is showing favoritism.  It is a heart motive that only God can judge.  Ungodly judgment is this: to assume to know someone's motive; to assume to know why someone said or did something.

If you are one that is under leadership that you feel is showing favoritism, pray that if what you see is correct, God will reveal it to them, and leave it at that. 

Encouragement to you:  We are to trust God that He is the one that will bring about what you need to fulfill your destiny.  We are to get our eyes off of man and keep them on God. 

Yes, God uses man to bless and open doors; however, it is God that holds the heart of the king (the leader; decision maker) and turns it which ever way He wills (Proverbs 21:1).  In other words, it is God who determines who, what, where, when and how.

We are to keep doing what we know to do, and trust that God is our source for everything. 

He will often use the most unlikely people to open doors of opportunity for you- for the benefit of His Kingdom.

Leaders of excellence:  We are to consider how our decisions impact others that are sitting on the sidelines watching us from afar.  We serve a just God, and we are to emulate Him.

**Next Ministry Date: Saturday, September 5th at 9:30 am**

Location:  Meeting held at Loaves & Fishes Ministries bldg.

19th & Garnett in Tulsa, OK

For more information or directions you may email us: contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org

Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear... But What Does That Mean? 1 John 4:18

What does this mean?

1 John 4:18 (NIV)

¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I'm going to "bottom line" it here... AKA- give ya the meat!

When we are fully convinced that God truly loves us, we will trust Him.  When we trust Him (fully, that is),  then we are perfected in His love.

When the fearful thoughts come, we (because we are now convinced that we are fully and truly loved by God) will be able to cast that fear off.  We will have an assurance that although we may not know how or when, we just know that He (God) loves us, and His plans are always to prosper us and never to harm us (Jer. 29:11).

According to 1 John 4:18, fear has to do with punishment, and God is not in the punishment business. 

All of God's wrath towards mankind- you, me... was completely wiped away because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.  It's finished, nothing more required of us other than simple faith that we are forgiven and we are loved!

Simple, however, profound reminders:

God - is - Love (1 John 4:16)

God is for you and not against you (Romans 8:31)

 

Challenge: Convince yourself that you are fully loved by God.

Result: Change, even Transformation!

 

You are loved by God!

 

**Next Ministry date:Saturday, September 5th at 9:30 am**

Location: Meeting held at Loaves & Fishes Ministries bldg.

19th & Garnett in Tulsa, OK.

For more information or directions you may email us: contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org

M i s s i o n: Hyderabad, India

Below is a picture of one of the banners being used to advertise the conference that Kim Francen, founder of Reach the Nations and I will be hosting. Organized by: Abundant Life Care, India:

 

 On July 18, 2009, we held the first Promotional meeting for the Christian Women’s Conference. Below are pictures taken during the prayer meeting for this upcoming conference:

 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rev. Lee Ruud (our contact and coordinator for this conference) shares with us about the prayer meeting:

"There were 160 Pastor’s, Leaders and Women who attended this first Promotional meeting. Many of them came with their family members to participate & enjoy in the Worship. We printed 6,000 of the Christian Women’s Conference Publicity Hand Bills (Flyers) in Telugu & English language. Each Pastor & Leader of the 60 Churches represented that day, were given 50 Hand Bills to put up on their Church Bulletins, Business's, Christian School's and in hands & homes of many Believer's!!!"

Rev. Lee Ruud goes on to tell us how things went during the prayer meeting, here is what he said: "We have been planning for this day all month and now the day has come with great joy & excitement! As the Pastor’s, Leaders and Women started to arrive in the Church grounds, you could see the excitement in their eyes! As the day passed, you could see the great facial expressions start to surface on their faces…of the Glory of God..."

 

Lunch was provided by:

Reach the Nations Ministries & Pamela Harrison Ministries

Everyone really enjoyed the Spicy Chicken Curry!!!

______________________________________________________________________

To all those that have partnered with me, to enable me the tremendous opportunity to minister to God's people in India...THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

Together, we are taking the Gospel to those that are in need of salvation as well as for those that are in need of refreshing.

If you would like to be a part of what God is doing, please pray and ask God what He would have you give.  On the right hand side of this blog is the opportunity to donate or if you rather mail in your donations: 

PHM - PO Box 1279 - Broken Arrow, OK. 74013

______________________________________________________________________

I've been given the privilege to learn from and minister with this long time veteran of Evangelism... it's an absolute honor.

Below is information about Kim Francen, founder of Reach the Nations Ministries: 

Reach the Nations Ministries...

For over 18 years Kim Oakley Francen has encouraged, challenged, and lifted the hearts and spirits of women around the globe. Kim has conducted women's conferences in Asia, Africa, Central and South America, and Europe. The hunger of these women has caused the conferences to draw crowds of over 2,000 ladies. Kim has ministered to national pastors and leaders, and has participated in mass crusades all over the world. She has witnessed the miraculous power of God and has seen multitudes come to Christ. Kim Oakley Francen was raised in a Christian home, born again at the age of six, and answered the Call of God on her life at the age of sixteen. Pursuing that Call led her to RHEMA Bible Training Center where she graduated from the Missions Class in 1984. Her ministry began by ministering in prisons and local churches and then to the foreign field in 1985. Recognizing the Call of God on her life, she was ordained by Dr's. T.L. and Daisy Osborn in 1988. Her ministry has led her to over 30 countries in 5 continents. Her hearts desire is to give energy to others so they can become all that God has called them to be. Kim believes in the power of the Gospel and desires to see men and women of the world healed, delivered and set-free to fulfill their destiny in the Kingdom of God.

Since January 2000, Abundant Life Care has Partnered with various Ministries to bring the Good News to the weak and hurting in India. They have seen tremendous growth in those receiving Gods word. 

 

 

Signs of Spiritual Abuse

The following is a short list of signs of Spiritual Abuse by Spiritual leaders and authority:

I've listed the ones that we either personally experienced or observed.  

I found this list and if you would like to see the full list, click on the link: http://fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/ 

* The attitude that, "We are superior to all other churches, our message is superior as is our understanding of the bible".

* A lack of tolerance for disagreement with the leadership.

* Instilling a belief that disobeying certain requests (aside from scripture) from leadership is sin.

* Relentlessly judging of members' hearts and motives.

* Causing your decision making process to diminish because you need to run everything by your leaders first, and so causing loss of personal initiative and ability to hear God's voice for yourself- diminishing your trust that you're able to hear God for yourself.

* Subtly teaching that you need to follow all the leaderships advice for your spiritual growth even when you don't feel right about it.

* Cause people to suppress their real personality type or change it.

* Cause people to feel they are rebellious when they are struggling with accepting leaders advice.

* Creating clones rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to shape the members as they grow into their individuality and uniqueness in Christ.

If you recognize any of these sign, if you're not developing a strong, independent, loving relationship with Jesus, and you're finding yourself hurt more than loved, I encourage you to pray for direction.

  Not all leadership is the same... but all are human.

Spiritual Abuse (continued)- The Fruits of Forgiveness

It took time (2001-2006) for me to learn, understand and live the following:

1. Unforgiveness keeps the unforgiver bound to the one that offended. 

The offender goes on with their life, but the offended is "stuck".  They are unable to move on in their fullest capacity, unable to bear the fullest amount of fruit that God desires for them to be, do, have and experience.

2. To not forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

3. Forgiveness is not for the person that wronged you, forgiveness is for YOU...

I finally realized that all the wrongs were never going to be "righted", and that I was never going to hear from this pastor, "I'm so sorry for how I treated you".  

 I also had to succumb to the fact that I may never be validated by knowing that what I experienced was seen by others as wrong, or that I was not the one in the wrong.

You see, I lived knowing that I was thought to be evil by the people at that church.  Whatever the pastor thought of a person is what the people believed of the person.  I knew how she operated.  I knew what was said behind closed doors.  I was one that sat behind them many a time and heard what she had to say about others.

I finally had to believe what God thought about me and live out of that. 

It was a process.  It was painful, scary, and I had to learn to trust again.  But this time much wiser- much!

Don't worry, I've not forgotten to share the news I received last week.  But, before I do, I will quickly tell you about my encounter with this pastor and her "right- hand" woman at the first of this year.

I was invited to a baby shower by one of our former youth (who is now an adult).  On our way to the baby shower (half way there, too far to turn back around) it hit me... I bet the pastor and her "right-hand" woman are going to be there!! 

I began to get nervous, but then I began to think," This is my opportunity to find out if this forgiveness I believe I have is real or not."

So, as it came time to walk into the baby shower, I made my way to the front where the gifts were being placed.  I put my gift down and then turned around to see who all was there.  To my surprise, right there on the front row, was my former pastor and her "right-hand" woman. 

Guess what... my gut, knee-jerk reaction was one of pure love!   I smiled, lifted my arms and walked to embrace my former pastor.  I hugged her (to which I was met with cold kindness), and then I embraced her "right-hand" woman. 

I went and sat down and began to collect my thoughts.  I wondered if this is when I would begin to feel pain, anger and revenge... NOPE!  Nothing but love and absolute FREEDOM!!!  Thank you, GOD!!!!  This is when I fully realized- I'm free, I'm truly free!!!

Fast forward to this past week and the news I received.  The "right-hand" woman and her husband (whom I believed would be with this pastor until her death, and whom I believed would be devastated, bewildered, and have a "no reason to live" kind of reaction to this pastor's death) actually left their positions.

  They left the church. "What?? This is unbelievable!!"  These couples (the pastors and the "right hand couple) were so thick that they lived on the church campus in houses next to each other.  This "right-hand" woman was the pastor's nurse before coming to serve her at this church.  I think I've given you the picture! 

They had begun in the past few years to come under the same kind of scrutiny and harsh correction that I endured for nine years.  A while back they met with the pastors and told them that they were resigning their positions, but the pastors talked them out of it saying, "It would devastate too many people's lives".  The pastors would later repent to the "right-hand" couple saying, "God showed us that we as pastors were jealous of your relationship with the people and that is why we were being the way we were."   So, the 'right-hand" people stayed for a while longer, but then the critical correction started back up again.

Now, what is important for me to mention is that this pastor was told by others that she needed to learn how to walk in love.  I remember her saying from the pulpit one service, "I will not listen to anyone telling me that I need to walk in love".  She at this point in time had driven many people away, devastated lives and either contributed to couples divorcing or told them flat out that they were to divorce.

It was this "right-hand" couple that actually displayed godly love to the people.  Particularly the man, who is very much a man of God, very much a man of godly love.

It came that the pastors called in the couple recently, and before they went in the "right-hand" man was quoted to say," God told me that if what the pastor is going to tell us today is not done in love, you are free to resign your positions".  And that is exactly what they did.

When I received the news, I was driving down Highway 169.  My mouth dropped, but then I was told this.

 This now former "right-hand" man was quoted as saying, "You know who got the worst of it all?  Pamela."

Upon hearing that, I broke out in tears immediately.   I didn't know why.   Why am I crying like this?  Then, after processing all the information, I realized... it was validation.  Validation that I believed I would never get and had decided I did not need to be able to go on and fulfill my calling... my destiny.

I pray for them.  We (my husband and I) know first hand the thoughts and emotions one experiences after coming out from under that.  I pray for her (the pastor).... she at one time had spiritually strong, grounded, stable, giving, faithful, loyal leaders under her leadership.  All of us that were her core leadership are all now officially gone.  

Her legacy could have been great, and still could be, and I hope that for her.  She is equipped for greatness. 

Luke 17:1 (NKLV)

Jesus Warns of Offense 

¹ Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

Psalm 34:19 (NIV)

 ¹⁹ A righteous man may have many troubles,
       but the LORD delivers him from them all;

 

Spiritual Abuse by Spiritual Authority- Continued

If you have followed my writings, you will know that I experienced nine years of spiritual abuse by one of my pastors/mentors. 

This pastor was a woman.  This is not to validate any wrong beliefs about women called to the five-fold ministry.   I've learned that both men and women mess up equally.   Not all women (just as not all men) in positions of leadership or spiritual authority are power hungry, manipulators and dominators.

I received some news this past week that blew me away (in a good way).  I knew that this needed to be shared for those that have experienced similar experiences.

The church that my husband and I served in (me for nine years and my husband for almost twenty), served as a ministry school for us. 

I came to this church during the Word Movement, which I am now so very thankful for.   All we got was the Word for hours, literally!   Then I began to hunger to serve, and not just serve in one capacity, but in a great capacity.  I know why now.

What I'm about to share is for no reason other than to paint a picture of my life in those nine years of intensive training for the ministry I am in now.

We (my husband and I)  were:

A part of the counseling ministry as counselors

Licensed Youth Pastors

On the deliverance team

Matt worked a full time job... I did the following as well as the above:

Praise & Worship Leader (he was on the team)

Worked in the church office, when needed

Worked in the counseling office, when needed

Was church maintenance with another lady

Was a substitute teacher for the school we had on campus, as well as PE teacher & Music teacher

Cleaned the pastor's house

Prior to all the above: We were Children's Church leaders

Nursery

Sound/Media (Matt)

All unpaid (except the house cleaning), and I absolutely loved everything I did!   I loved learning, I loved being a servant, and I loved serving in the House of God, until...

At almost every turn I was being corrected which, in almost all cases, was needed.  I was young both in age and in maturity level in the things of God.  This was my time of training.  Now, this is where things went wrong.

When I was corrected, it was done in an ignominious, critical harshness, not love.  I left feeling like a very bad person.  I left her presence feeling embarrassed and very much ashamed.  It compounded the self- loathing I had going on due to emotional issues from the years of childhood abuse.

(To shorten this blog, if you would like to get "up to speed" on this story, Click here then scroll all the way down)

After years of public humiliation from this pastor, the time came that I was completely worn out.  The servants heart I once had was now completely gone.  I did everything out of obligation to and fear of her.

This pastor is also a prophet.   She called a meeting with my husband and gave him a "heads up" to some things she said God had shown her about me. 

Due to the dominating personality and the spirit of Jezebel this woman operated in, many of us were under her "spell" and blinded (which leads to feeling like such a fool when you come out from under that controlling, dominating, manipulating spirit. I have a teaching on CD you may order if you wish to learn more about this warring principality called Jezebel).

In this meeting were the head counselors, which were also this pastor's right-hand woman and man.  They were in on all the information about everyone and everything that went on with the people and all church matters.

During the meeting, this pastor pulled out a "prophesy" that she said God gave her about me.  In this room was my husband and myself, the pastor and her husband, and the "right-hand" man and woman.

She began by saying, "I've known some things were not right with you (meaning me), and I've been asking God to show me. This is what He told me to tell you..."

In this "prophesy" she began to read to me that God said that He, "loathed me", and proceeded to list all the reasons why he loathed me. Also, that if I did not repent, He would lift His hand off of me.

Now, what you do not know about me is this... I am very transparent and extremely honest- to the point of my embarrassment and potentially to your pain- kind of honest.  I detest manipulation and control. First and foremost from myself, and then from others.  I will not tolerate it in my life- in me or around me. 

This pastor was the one that taught me about the Jezebel spirit, manipulation and control.  She also taught me that everything flows from leadership down and that if we had sin in us it would effect the people.

Because of my fear of God, and at that time in my life, my fear of man, fear of her... if I had even as much as a prideful thought or something along those lines, I would meet with her before service to tell her that I didn't think I should be the one to lead because of that prideful thought or what ever it was that I was thinking I may have thought or done wrong.   She would say, "No, you are to get up there and work through it".  "Yes, ma'am", was my reply.

So, when she read me those words from "God", all I knew was that I had always been completely honest with her, myself and God.  Mixed with knowing that she heard from God many times before... well, I was completely blind-sided, confused and destroyed. 

I began to believe the lie that maybe I was truly evil.  Maybe I was completely blinded to myself.  My leadership told me so.  That day, I was turned inside out from the pain and rejection I felt from both my pastor and my God.  I began to live my life out of the belief that God saw me as bad- even evil.  That, mixed with the rejection from both of my parents, well... I was one messed up, rejected, hurting person- and I hurt badly!

Funny thing was that just a couple of months before this happened, I was beginning to learn how to spend time with God.  I had not been taught this, but now know that I was being taught and led by the Holy Spirit to commune with God.

During this time, I felt His complete love for me.  I realized that He was good, and that He was for me and not against me.   BUT, I had been sitting under this pastor- this leadership of legalism and "God of the Old Testament" for many years.   This versus the couple months of time with Jesus and experiencing His love...well,  when this "prophesy" was read to me, I believed it over what I had experienced with Him- the REAL Him.

I look back now and realize that I was onto the very thing that would become the purpose of my ministry. This was a strategic plan of the enemy to not only bring offense and hurt, but to take me out completely.

Side note: Because of this experience (that I now count as such a blessing) I am now the type of leader and minister that has a "full circle" understanding.   It taught me the pitfalls to look out for.  It taught me the difference between man's correction and godly correction- which is always in love.  This is most definitely the short list of what all I learned.

But what I also learned was that when people see themselves in you, and if they don't like who they are, they will not like you.

I also learned that people will see you do something that they do, and they will put their motives on you.  They will believe you do the things they do for the same reason they do it.  And if their core belief about themselves is not good, then guess what- they will believe you are not good.

If you were to hear this woman described- her giftings, her talents, her call- you would hear a very close description of me.  I was there to learn from her... and I did.

The sad reality is this- we are going to leave a legacy of either one of two things:

1. We will either mentor and/or impact people for greatness, or

2. We will mentor/ impact people to their demise, to the point that they want nothing to do with God, nothing to do with His people or fulfilling their destiny, which is to minister to others.

We will all stand before God and give an account for our behavior, our motives and our "works"... it's a sobering thought.

I will share the information I received this past week in the next Blog.... Stay tuned....