Dysfunction: 2 Root Causes * How to Overcome & Avoid *

Every time we turn to anything other than God to meet our need, it will create dysfunction.

Dysfunction: Abnormal or impaired functioning.

 

There are 2 root causes for dysfunction, and reasons why we stay in dysfunction:

1. Unmet needs

2. Fear

Fact: When we have a need that we cannot trust God to fill, we get into fear that we won't have what we need. 

Thus we go about getting what we need on our own...

This is what happens when we go about getting what we need on our own:

Proverbs 16:25

 ²⁵ There is a way that seems right to a man,
       but in the end it leads to death.

 

Proverbs 19: 3

 

 ³ a man's own folly ruins his life,
       yet his heart rages against the LORD.

 

FACT: When we look to man to be our source for anything, we are setting ourselves up for pain, as well as, pain for others.

Example:

Genesis 15

 ¹ After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
       "Do not be afraid, Abram.
       I am your shield,
       your very great reward. "

 ² But Abram said, "O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of

Damascus

?" ...

 ⁴ Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir."

Genesis 16

Hagar and Ishmael

 ¹ Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar; ² so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her."

 

Side note:

Quite a bit of time had passed since God promised Abram a son.

Think a about it: Abram was 75 when God first promised to make Abram into a great nation. Abram was 100 when the son God promised came to pass. 

So, during the interim, and true to our human nature, Sarai (Sarah) impatiently implied that God was not keeping His promise, so Sarai decided to take the matter into her own hands and solve the problem of her barrenness.

 

Let’s see how that worked for her:

      Abram agreed to what Sarai said. ³ So after Abram had been living in

Canaan

ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. ⁴ He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.
      When she knew she was pregnant, she (Hagar) began to despise her mistress.

 

 ⁵ Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me."

Take note: Sarai thought she had a great idea to fill the unmet need she had, as well as, fulfilling the will of God that she feared was not going to come to pass.

Let’s see how this great idea played out:

Abram said:  ⁶ "Your servant is in your hands, do with her whatever you think best." Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so Hagar fled from Sarai.

 ⁷ The angel of the LORD found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. ⁸ And he said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?"
      "I'm running away from my mistress Sarai," she answered.

 ⁹ Then the angel of the LORD told her, "Go back to your mistress and submit to her." ¹⁰ The angel added, "I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count."

 ¹¹ The angel of the LORD also said to her:
       "You are now with child
       and you will have a son.
       You shall name him Ishmael,
       for the LORD has heard of your misery.

 ¹² He will be a wild donkey of a man;
       his hand will be against everyone
       and everyone's hand against him,
       and he will live in hostility
       toward all his brothers."

 

Now let’s reflect: Out of 1 woman’s unmet need and fear that God would not fulfill His promise came dysfunction:

Out of this dysfunction came the father (Ishmael) of a group of descendants that would be in hostility toward all his brothers- to this very day!

Today we are no different.

* Many live in lives of pain due to the dysfunction brought about from decisions made in an attempt to fill unmet needs* 

Examples:

Unmet need in:

Friendship: 

We are relational beings, and it is God’s will for us to have friends; however, if we do not first allow God to be our BEST friend, and fill the unmet need first, then out of fear that the unmet need we are experiencing will not be filled, our human tendency is to pick our friends out of convenience/ availability; which these friendships are often a source of co-dependency, which leads to frustration, manipulation, control and hurt. These friendships are seldom a source of pleasure.

Result of God filling that unmet need:

Once completely satisfied/ content with God being our best friend, TRUSTING that at the right time He will bring to us the tangible, RIGHT friends for each season of our lives- He WILL DO IT!

·      These God ordained relationships will be a source of pleasure. And with God being your BEST friend, you will not “NEED” the relationship, and you will have the strength and confidence to set much needed boundaries resulting in healthy relationships.

Whereas if you “NEED” the relationship, you will be afraid to set boundaries due to you NEEDING to keep this relationship in order to fill an unmet need.

These type relationships will always bring Dysfunction and PAIN.

Approval:

FACT: We all need approval. 

The # 1 source for approval should come from our Father... Our Father God.

Proverbs 29:25 (AMP)

²⁵The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high.

When we need man’s approval, we will fear man/ people opinions.

This is when we will CONSIDER man’s opinions.

We will then become “slave” to the pleasing of a person or people in an attempt to fill the unmet need for approval -  if we don’t get ALL of our approval needs met by God- and God only!

Test for yourselves: Ever noticed how there are some people you avoid?

Ever asked yourself why?

If we are approval seekers from people, then we’re unsure of ourselves - which we will be unsure of ourselves if we have not received the much needed approval we need from our God.

Then there are people that we want to like us, and we want to be in relationship with, however, we either avoid or limit our time, or worse, not behave as “normal” due to us being afraid we will say or do something that will cause them not to approve of us.

Fact: People are drawn to people that are “okay” with themselves, and being okay with yourself comes from knowing you are approved by God.

Mother/Father figure:

There may be SEASONS God will allow a person to be or have a parental figure; however, the goal is for God Himself to be our parental figure- all that we need.

*Fear: I know God can, I just don’t know if He WILL.

*Trust: I know that He will, and I will get all I need from Him and trust Him to bring into my life the tangible that I desire = Faith

Relationships become dysfunctional when we become dependent upon a person to fill an unmet need.

 We turn to people to fill an unmet need when fear that God will not fill the unmet need.

When we don’t trust God WILL do “it”, this is when we will do things on our own- which will bring about dysfunction.

Want to Avoid or ready to Overcome dysfunction in your life?

Step back and look at all your relationships. 

Ask God to show you the areas of dysfunction in any relationship you have had or currently have.

How to Overcome: Ask God to reveal the root. Ask Him what unmet need &/or fear has:

·        Got me into this dysfunctional relationship?

·        Kept me in this dysfunctional relationship?

How to Avoid:  Ask God:

·        Why am I looking to have a relationship?

·        Am I over-all content w/out this relationship that I’m looking to add to my life? 

·        Can I live happily with out this person/people?

TRUTH: God desires to be your every thing.

 

But how do I have a relationship with an invisible God?

By literally picturing Him in your mind, talking to Him as you would your best friend, as well as, sitting in His lap, allowing Him to hold you, love on you, and SPEAK to you.

If you will do this, if you will make a firm decision that God will be my every thing, and talk with Him everyday- He will become your every thing.

After you have allowed Him to fill your unmet needs, He adds to your life the desires you’ve requested in line with His will, and the results: Healthy and functional relationships and life.

Psalms 37:4

⁴Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

 

Delight:

A high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; something that gives great pleasure.

 

 

 Join me for Ministry this Saturday @ 9:30a

Local: In the Loaves and Fishes Ministries bldg. located at 19th & Garnett

For more info or directions, e-mail: contact@pamelaharrisonministries.org